no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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