You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
