the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
even my farts smell like vagina
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
