Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
