respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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