I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize