listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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