Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
