if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
