PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
