Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
