we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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