someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
