I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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