Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
