So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
