no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
