Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
