I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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