My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
