The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
