So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize