wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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