Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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