I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
