if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
