i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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