saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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