I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
