Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
