Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.

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(631): View more from New York

im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets

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(268): View more from Antigua/Barbuda-Carib

she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.

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(513): View more from Ohio

apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"

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