Kiss
Puke
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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