first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize