I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
