dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
