Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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