I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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