google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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