I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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