I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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