i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
