you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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