Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
