I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
