Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
