not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
