maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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