Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
