Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
