she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ketchup is God's man juice
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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