There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
