I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
