My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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