She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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