was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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