things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
