You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
