i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Two words: blizzard sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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