My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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