i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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