if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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